To pageantize their existence, if not their excellence, the Cubs are about to commence their annual convention, ushering in another year of fun and frolic at Wrigley Field..
The lads promised to be aggressive in the free agent market this offseason, but apparently they meant passive-aggressive. I guess they could put lipstick on a pig and herald the dregs whom they have signed. Perhaps Jharrel Cotton can be ballyhooed as the next Justin Verlander and Hernan Perez be championed as a budding superstar. They also signed some guy who put up woeful numbers in the Korean League.
I'm not sure whether their new slogan for this year should be a rif on more recent ones. "Try To Suck" and "Become The Target" have nice rings to them. They'd look great on a t-shirt while having a bag over your head.
Team owner Tom Ricketts is said to be availing himself for questions. No report on whether he'll be wearing a Kevlar jacket. I hope his presentation includes a graph in the form of a downward slope, illustrating the team's steady and steep decline from the 2016 World Series winner, to an NLCS loser, to a first round loser, to not making the playoffs. Completing the trend would mean having a losing season, something Cubs fans know all too well.
Oh well, minimal expectations should mean no major disappointment.
The lads promised to be aggressive in the free agent market this offseason, but apparently they meant passive-aggressive. I guess they could put lipstick on a pig and herald the dregs whom they have signed. Perhaps Jharrel Cotton can be ballyhooed as the next Justin Verlander and Hernan Perez be championed as a budding superstar. They also signed some guy who put up woeful numbers in the Korean League.
I'm not sure whether their new slogan for this year should be a rif on more recent ones. "Try To Suck" and "Become The Target" have nice rings to them. They'd look great on a t-shirt while having a bag over your head.
Team owner Tom Ricketts is said to be availing himself for questions. No report on whether he'll be wearing a Kevlar jacket. I hope his presentation includes a graph in the form of a downward slope, illustrating the team's steady and steep decline from the 2016 World Series winner, to an NLCS loser, to a first round loser, to not making the playoffs. Completing the trend would mean having a losing season, something Cubs fans know all too well.
Oh well, minimal expectations should mean no major disappointment.
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